Dirty Toys for Fat Girls & Dirty Boys

Toy time: Dirty Jugs' list of the top Dirty Toys for 2008.

Sorry to disappoint but this post will not include "adult toys" although there will be an opportunity to slip a few of these in before the year is out. Below are a selection of children's toys that are fat becoming must have toys for Christmas 2008.

Dirty Ronald McDonald

First up is the fast food chain McDonald's "playset" This comes complete with a simulated McDonalds Cash Register, badge, food microphone and mop so you can work your way up the dirty job career ladder earning the converted stars as you go. The electronic till comes complete with play food but for a more realistic experience why not bring in a Mac Meal or two so the reek of luke warm dirty food can combine with sounds from the cash register (a very realistic 'beep' and some buttons make the till pronounce various items on the menu, to help you truly believe your in Golden Arches heaven.

If you'd rather not support Ronald what about Terry?

Terry the Tourettes Turtle is fantastic toy that is aimed at raising awareness of Tourettes Syndrome - when sufferers have little control of outburst of speech and noises. Accurately mimicking the whistles and squarks, Terry Turtle also has an extensive filthy dirty vocabulary which is randomly unleashed.

Terry Turtle is ideal for helping young impressionable children to understand the complexities of tourettes and consider ways of helping - by joining in!

Banking Toys

Parents who want their children to get a head start on their careers can give a fun educational toy that will begin to stimulate the childs mind to consider the world of banking. Being a 'Banker' these days is considered to be a dirty word but there's little doubt that the corporate treasury systems staff of tomorrow will have bit their teeth on playing with educational toys such as Fish Bank and will have dirty fiscal ticks up their sleeve.

Dirty Cheats on the Game

Why oh why oh why...

...do people spend good money on the latest video games and then immediately search for "cheats"?

The new gaming sensation Nintendo Wii appeared to have approached the gaming set with colour, music and fun. No hardcore war and shoot em ups here - just jolly old favourites from previous Nintendo consoles. The Nintendo DS classic Mario Kart was re-vamped and now you can pick up Mario Kart with Wii Wheel and have good clean driving fun with friends and family. But evenn this innocent game has entire websites dedicated to being a dirty cheat. Wii Cheat Mario Kart offers ludicrous methods of enhancing your game experience whilst you fiddle and twist the wireless wheel controller.

The Mario Car game reminded me of a particularly dirty off road experience we had when the land rover we got from the local car hire firm got stuck in a dirty big puddle only in real life when your car gets stuck you have to evacuate and struggle through the mud before you can phone and wait for four hours to get rescued.

Want to play sport and get fit without getting dirty? The Nintendo Wii Sport pack lets you take part in lots of different activities without even going outside and lately all the rage amongst the chattering classes is the hype surrounding the wii fit game.

Get Fit and Lose Weight - the Dirty Cheats Wii Way

Nintendo's marketing has to be admired - it draws couch potatoes into the false belief that although they rarely leave the house to do proper exercise they WILL successfully get fit and shed pounds whilst standing on a small board in front of their TV. Even in the light of many who try to expose the wii fit as silly fad not to be bothered with by showing funny wii fit video clips the game is set to be one of the fastest sellers ever with stock shortages expected any time soon.

Dirty Girls Fart in Face

After reading the latest research that suggests playing nintendo wii games such as wii fit is considered to be sufficient exercise without having to go outside and get dirty we decided to probe further.

Wii fit is the answer for maintaining at least some sort of exercise regime during the dark winter months. Why go outside in the cold and wet only to return filthy and dirty when you can stand in front of your high definition TV and play wii sports, work up a sweat on the wii guitar hero 3 or complete a sequence of simple mundane things whilst barely moving with this incredible yet funny wii fit game.

On the back of wii fit and the news that farting can lower blood pressure we are anticipating a pre christmas rush for the latest wii games including wii fart and wii wee

Well if farting lowers blood pressure the dirty girls farting in this video should take it easy otherwise they'll be out cold as a result of hypotension or low blood pressure

The efforts these dirty girls put into their farts is impressive - we only hope that the strains don't stain.

Land Rover Freelander - Not so Dirty

It is with mixed emotions that we have to report the reduction of Dirty emissions from the Land Rover Freelander.

Previously we have gleefully enthused in posts such as Freelander is Back just how dirty the 4x4 can be and were delighted when the opportunity to feature dirty jodhpur clad posh totty promoting land rover came our way and although Dirty Jugs didn't have an exclusive on this we do believe we focussed on the main issue.

It is unsurprising that team D J is a little taken aback with the latest press release from Land Rover announced that the new Freelander features a revolutionary Stop Start system that not only improves fuel efficiency but reduces CO2 emissions.

Time for My Freelander to brush up on the Stop Start technology to add more helpful instructions to owners that want to maintain and service their Freelander themselves.

The crux of Stop-Start is that the engine reacts when it suspect that it is not needed - when the vehicle is standing in traffic, in neutral and the clutch out it simple shuts itself off. Any indication that the driver wants to resume the journey - hey presto it starts again - thereby elimintating unecessary pollution and saving fuel.

Land Rover Go Beyond

Clean your dirty laptop

Here is a video that shows how to clean your laptop that will hopefully reduce the chance of running into problems:

We at dirty jugs wanted to sniff out other dirty laptop solutions and here is a hand picked selection of blog posts

• Compare Laptops

• Use this laptop cleaner first
• Laptops
• Comparing Laptop Cleaning methods
• Dirty laptops
• Clean Laptop Computers

Clearly from the selected posts listed here laptops can get very dirty - the increasing amount of titillation is cited as the most common reason for a stick laptop.

• Have you purchased a laptop recently?
• Do you have a dirty laptop?
• One of the most important issues is dirty laptops
• unique laptops brands
• Try This Service

Then there are those below who have all experienced the nightmare of cleaning a sticky mess when popping open fizzy drinks

• Buy laptop
• Clean your laptop
• Compare before you buy laptop
• Compare laptops
• Buying a laptop

Finally this collection of posts happily try to suggest that you look for an easy clean screen so you only have to clean your laptop occasionally (barring any major spillages)

• Laptop with dirty screen
  
• Buying a New Toshiba Laptop
• Shop For Laptops
• Sloppy Buckets

Squids In - Squidoo or Squidon't

Squidoo

What a generous chap Seth Godin is. He founded Squidoo - a community website that boasts membership of Top 500 most visited sites in the World (July 2008). Seth launched Squidoo in March 2006 to allow users to create pages about which they have specialist knowledge. Squidoo grew quickly as experts and laymen alike jostled to add their 'lens' for the world to view.

Only a few months following launch thousands of lenses were available covering subjects as diverse as Motorhead to Blood Pressure Monitors to Laptop Bags

Lensmasters are encouraged to add Squidoo Modules to monetise their lenses - revenue is split 50% to lensmasters (an option is for this to all be donated to charity) 5% charity and the remaining 45% to fund Squidoo.

The opportunity to create highly relevant pages soon attracted the attention of online marketeers and spammers. Following a noticeable drop in the strength of squidoo links and the diminishing impact of these links on search positions Squidoo introduced a 'freshness' requirement in the hope that fly by night chancers would let their page gather dust resulting in it no longer being publicly displayed.

Squidoo remains a valuable source of information albeit commercially orientated currently consisting of over half a million hand built pages - every day a lens is selected as lens of the day and announced by email to all members.

A recent mailshot focused on the lens Littmann Stethoscopes and offered help for medical students looking to buy their first stethoscope. Combining product information about Littmann Stethoscopes along with contextual adverts for e bay and Amazon visitors were able to compare prices and choose a Littmann Stethoscope that would be acceptable for medical training.

Squiddylicious.

Dirty Web Pages - Online Threats

One in a thousand web pages are dirty - attempting to install malicious nasties on innocent computers and laptops whilst browsing the web.

This post offered some solutions to keep your pc healthy and here we discuss more methods available such as special security software that is designed to prevent the dirty web pages from unloading their beastliness - usually a well configured firewall software setting does the trick but the dirty minds behind all this nonsense are continually looking for innovative methods to spoil or should that be soil our internet experience.

Should the firewall fail to stop the bugs or more likely the computer becomes "infected" by opening a dirty file - either copied or an email attachment then the latest antivirus software should be able to follow the dirty tracks and make good.

Huge amount of comment spam and sites like is it dirty offer to eliminate the bad stuff but are as trustworthy as a high street bank who when offering a great deal with a new current account get upset when folk beat the bankers

Its a Knockout - Dirty Fun

Sneeked a peek at Nothing Interesting's latest post which mentioned the one off charity fundraiser - It's a Royal Knockout and it brought back happy memories of the hilarious show that enthralled family audiences for many years. The wheezing dirty laugh of Stuart Hall - guessing when Eddie Warring would manage to squeeze in his dirty "up and under" line.

The office summer bash looms to - hmm will it be another meal and drinks "do" - or could our dirty work be rewarded by something more stimulating? The answer could be an Its a Knockout Corporate Team Building event.

And my goodness - what a lot of sites are trying to tempt you with their Its a Knockout events

Take the staff away for a fun filled knockout event and they will return to their desks and get on with the job Sites such as Its a Knockout Hen Stag Corporate stuff list all the available games along with the Inflatables and Costumes to choose from - including Penguin Pursuit, Todger Tennis, Slippery Summit and Jolly Joust!

But hang on a cotton pickin' moment....

The site then quickly loses focus of the fun and begins its corporate training, executive coach guff with statements such as

• "Good teamwork brings results; it is the core of organisational effectiveness"
• "To help people who work together to function more effectively in teams and to assist the team itself to work effectively as a whole."
• "Teambuilding attempts to provide groups with the information and incentives they need to manage themselves effectively".

Now that's a dirty trick to pull on all those with fond memories of television treats.

Dirty Jodhpurs Posh Totty

Tony Robinson (Baldrick)'s series crap jobs deals with the dirty jobs from yester-year - the workers in the middle ages really did some dirty work - but what of the work on offer today?

Previously we dished the dirt on some dirty work that the jobs uk site offered. Now further investigations reveal its not just the working class that do the dirty work but posh dirty jodhpurs wearing totty are involved in some deeply dirty advertising campaigns.

Take the poor actor that landed this role in a advertising campaign to raise awareness of the British Olympic Eventing team. He breaks off from his football games, splashes on some aftershave and tries his chances with Posh Totty - Jodhpurs clad Zara Philips - who remains silent letting her horse demonstrate their disdain by blowing a huge dirty dollop of horse snot onto the young 'uns face - it si downright dirty and disgusting however the media agency behind it think it will become viral - they have the nerve to say so in their release.

Zara is infact advertising Land Rover as being a sponsor of the British Olympic Eventing team - wesupporteventing.com and this follows on from previous adverts in which we see posh totty Zara astride a freelander building brand confidence and lining her dirty jodhpurs pockets.

Dirty Pair - Ant and Dec Cheat Again

The happy smiling faces of ant AND dec once again are in the spotlight. This time they've managed to bring the South Wests finest troupe of be-smocked tub thumpers into disrepute with a scandalous "fix it" on their desperate saturday evening so called entertainment show. The Dirty Pair and they have now become labeled claim innocence via a third party.

A spokesman for ant AND dec said: "They absolutely know nothing about any claims of fakery during The Wurzels' slot."

For a couple of geordies with the gift of the gab mind, the Dirty Pair have to speak to the media through a spokesman.

Dirty Dirty Dirty!

Dirty Jobs - Filthy Pay

A moderately interesting post over at The Shelf that explores the current jobs situation as the credit crunch begins to bite and makes reference to various surveys taken by online UK job sites that reveals the astonishing number of UK workers who not only are unhappy with salary but with their jobs too.

Many low paid jobs are down right dirty jobs - agricultural workers sowing and harvesting crops, back room catering staff and local authority refuse and hygiene technicians all survive on meagre wages yet deal with dirt on a daily basis.

Not surprisingly a significant proportion of these workers are unhappy with the amount of money they earn believing themselves to be underpaid.

The fear of losing their work is cited as a primary reason for never having asked for a pay review and unsurprisingly well over a third claim never to have had a pay rise in their current dirty job.

The research also highlights what could be viewed as either healthy movement in the jobs market or a ticking time bomb as 75% of workers said they would not expect to earn their ideal wage in their current job. Registrations at online specialist and general recruitment agencies has dramatically increased with job hunters signing up to rss feeds to be first to learn about latest vacancies that offer opportunities to improve their wage and working environment extracting themselves from the dirty job market.

Dirty but Safe

The debate about the ethics of off road driving drags on and on but there's one thing you can't fault - the safety of these technologically advanced SUV's. Landrover's market leading compact SUV the Land Rover Freelander boasts many awards including the Euroncap 5 stars for the safety features fitted as standard to a freelander.

At the top end of the spectrum Range Rovers may well appear to be menacing monsters on the highway, but get them off road and they transform into super controlled smooth easy riders - taking advantage of traction control, descent restrictors and quick to react differential changes.


All in all a dirty ride doesn't have top be perilous especially when the "all terrain dial" is set to filthy dirty muddy deep do do.

Freelander a Dirty, Mean Driving Machine

No Moaning - the Freelander is Back

The patented "Terrain Response" technology behind the Freelander is a system that intelligently controls the drive of vehicle depending on what terrain setting the driver chooses. Ideally suited to novice off roaders and light weights it is a dirty techno trick to give the illusion of performance driving.

Grass, Sand, Ice-Cream Mountains and Dirty Filthy Mud are amongst the choices that the driver can select to improve the driving performance and you can find out much more on the landrover official website - introduction to freelander where you can learn more baout the exterior, engines and add-ons.

Daily newspaper The Independent test drove Land Rovers Freelander and Dave Gonnad concluded that to hims amazement 'they just keep getting better' - clearly Mr Gionnad

Meatheads at Muscle Cars are over the moon too - heralding the 2008 freelander as a formidable vehicle with top HSE marks and awarded the Freelander the Yahoo accolade of being an excellent buy.

All in all the Freelander is doing well to shake of its doubted reputation and it is expected that the moaning minnies will be silenced

Cleaning Dirty Window Blinds

Thanks to social networking sites and especially video communities such as Video Jug - a life on film there are many places to search for "how to" information. We weren't surprised to find a blinds fan base on facebook

In our on going series to help you tackle the annual chore of spring cleaning the home we now turn out attention to windows. Again hopefully the filthy dirty weather of winter is over and the windows get a proper cleaning outside - gleaming panes are a treat indeed when they catch the sunlight as you approach your house. But don't neglect the inside of the windows. As mentioned previously curtains can be dry-cleaned or replaced but what about those who have chosen to hang blinds to the inside of their windows?

Cleaning Blinds:

Vertical Blinds

Vertical Blinds are perhaps the easiest blinds to clean and look after. The slats of vertical blinds as opposed to horizontal won't gather dust in the same way horizontal blinds do. Occasional gentle dusting is usually all that is required. If they are a vinyl they can be cleaned with a mild cleaner such as Audace's vertical blinds detergent or Fantastic Splastic. If the blind slats are Vinyl these can be Ultrasonically cleaned.

Venetian Blinds

As opposed to vertical blinds Venetian blinds are prone to gather dust due to the nature of the open slats being arranged horizontally.

If you have lots of Venetian blinds or the ones you have cover large expanses of window you'll probably begin to think about replacing them with alternatives as the prospect of cleaning each individual slat becomes more and more daunting.

So irksome is the task that there are even Wiki articles dedicated to cleaning venetian blinds.

This video - "How to Clean Venetian Blinds offers some insight but cannot avoid the issue of each slat being tackled.

What about really dirty Venetian Blinds?

Of course sometimes venetian blinds are hung in inappropriate rooms such as bathrooms and kitchens where moisture and cooking grease will spoil them quickly.

The lady in the video concludes that if the blinds are really dirty you can soak them in a mild detergent in the bath....hmmm we think that tangles and mis-shaping will result and if the blinds are really really dirty then it may be worth once again considering replacing them with another set of blinds

Wooden Blinds

Finally cleaning wooden blinds - again our video demonstrator offers good advice and tips - vacuum and dust with a DRY cloth (wet clothes will ruin wooden blinds), furniture polish, lineament oil to make them look shiny and new.

Dirty House - Bedroom Spring Cleaning Short Cuts

With the unpredictable weather in May many people find it the ideal time to give the home 'a good seeing to' and begin their spring cleaning. It makes sense to wait until dirty, smokey fires are no longer lit before tackling the 'big job' of giving the house a proper deep clean.

Most people start with high expectations about thoroughly cleaning the house "from top to bottom" but once the enormity of the task hits home are happy to consider shortcuts and corner cutting.

Top Tips and Short Cuts for Spring Cleaning in the Bedroom

The logical place to start would be of course the bedroom. Apart from a 'good going over' with a vacuum and perhaps decorating what better way to spruce up this room than 'splashing out' on new bedding and matching curtains? Well chosen luxury, high quality bedding sets not only look great but quality bedding also helps better sleep. There is no excuse for not finding an attractive duvet cover or set of bedclothes - superstars are now queuing up to putt their names to bedding - offering the crass marketing message of Get into bed with #name of celebrity#. Kylie Minogue launched an interesting piece of branding possibly with the intent of covering the "dirty pants" image that the established incontinence products had become famous for with her Kylie at Home Duvets Bedding sets and adding a twist to the strap line "slip between the sheets with Kylie"

You can find curtain fabrics that either match or compliment your bedding and depending on your level of skill run up your own designs or alternatively choose a set of ready made curtains to create a whole new look for your boudoir. A whole lot easier that arranging for the curtains to be dry cleaned or risking danger of ruining them cleaning them yourself.

Another consideration in the pursuit of a good nights kip would be to install blackout blinds as an alternative to curtains.

There - Spring Cleaning the bedroom is easy - just clean it as normal then replace the bed linen and curtains to give the bedroom a fresh clean feel.

Dirty Job Done

Ferret Rescue at The Land Rover World Show!

This year the Land Rover World Show has stacks events with hundreds of top Land Rover Sales and all terrain dealers and traders, popular Landrover clubs and sideshows (Bob?), attractions and surprises for the whole family.

The original Land Rover was unveiled at a motor show in Amsterdam on April 30, 1948.

Organisers are keen to encourage Prince Charles to come and join the celebrations of Land rovers 60th anniversary. It is known that his royal Highness will visit the Land Rover factory in Solihull so hopefully a trip to deepest Herefordshire can be arranged

Not to be missed is Broadway Ferret Rescue who'll be on hand to explain about the work they do looking after the rescued ferrets and letting you "have a feel". Yorkshire Tikes be warned security cameras are fitted to the furry ferret heads and will broadcast live to the big screen any down trouser activity.

Land rover owners hold the view that there is no better place to get your wheels muddy than at
Eastnor Castle which has some of the greatest off-road routes in the country.

Enthusiasts will have opportunity to get behind the wheel and demonstrate their driving skills to perfection with the choice of three self drive routes, ranging in difficulty from mild to extreme.

Land Rovers available to try include:-

• Defender


• Freelander


• Discovery


• Range Rover

For a small donation to charity Born Free you can let an expert take you round purpose built tracks in a top of the range.. erm.. Range Rover and shown the capability of one of these top off road vehicles.

Sticky Mess - It sprayed all over the place

One to share here - a land rover driving, pasty munching, country bumpkin has posted a set of detailed instructions about how to make elderflower champagne or "fizz".

It appears to be really easy requiring only a few elderflower heads, water, two lemons a bag of sugar and some wine vinegar - mix together, leave for a full day and bottle - job done.

What's the catch? Beware of explosions

Weeeelll it seems that elderflower pop is notoriously volatile and you will read many accounts of glass bottles blowing up, corks popping and plastic (pet) bottles exploding all resulting in one hell of a sticky mess.

Its all very well these rural folks spreading the delights of farmhouse recipes, nonchalantly laughing off the BOOM factor and resulting sticky mess, but what saving is there if the odd explosion wrecks a pair of new curtains and creates a sticky mess that needs cleaning.

It seems the over excitement and excessive effervescence of the drink is due to fermentation - the natural yeast on the elderflower reacts with the sugar to make carbon dioxide and alcohol.

Could this be a new method of making biofuel? I read about a landrover being driven on banana oil for thousands of miles see wiki landrover "history" (it must therefore be true) so it wouldn't be so extraordinary if we see elderflower gas coming to a filling station near you?

Filthy Dirty Land Rovers

Land rovers drivers wallow in their own mud.

Forums such as the mud club, mud flapper, dirtland, flithy dirty, deep down dirty all sing praise to the glory of mud. Why have the ultimate all terrain vehicle if you can't "chuck some muck" on it every now and then?

Landrover Video


and

Goodbye, Farewell, Ta Ta Land Rover

All good things must come to an end and so the final curtain falls for troubled British Vehicle Manufacturer Land Rover. The last nails are being hammered into the coffin. After a painful time being "run" by US car giant Ford, Land Rover is changing hands to the Indian Joke Car Company Tata - they who make the "cheapest, smallest, crapest cars in the world" - some boast.

So farewell Landy - the boys on the Land Rover Forum have created this video of the land rover defender going "off Road" and even begun a call to action on the BBC - BBC Action land Rover Best of British.

It only takes a vscan through the pages of Land Rover's Magazine to see the passion that enthusiasts have for this All Terrain Superstar.

If you want to own your very own landy check out the available models of land rovers but beware these models were probably made in China

Land rover carbon offset

In 2006 Land Rover launched a pioneering CO₂ offset scheme in the UK. Part of an integrated approach including investment in sustainable technologies and working with global conservation and humanitarian organisations, Land Rover is the only 4WD manufacturer to offer this comprehensive scheme.

The CO₂ emissions of all new Land Rover vehicles sold in the UK are offset for the first 45,000 miles of use. Managed by Climate Care our New Vehicle Offset Programme invests in a specific range of Land Rover-funded alternative energy projects around the world including: Hydropower Tajikistan and Wind energy in China. The new vehicle programme is now being expanded to customers in other countries initially including Norway, Sweden and Belgium.

Land Rover also offset the emissions produced from the manufacturing assembly of our vehicles at our two production facilities, Solihull in the West Midlands and Halewood in the north west of England.

As part of our integrated CO₂ approach , the Land Rover G4 Challenge and the Land Rover sales and service facilities and Experience Centres in the UK, all have their CO₂ emissions offset by Climate Care.

CO₂ offsetting works by funding (investment) in projects that avoid or reduce CO₂ emissions ensuring that the amount saved balances the original emissions. The Land Rover CO₂ Offset Programme invests in 3 key offset project types:



Renewable energy: Replacing non renewable fossil fuels with renewable energy sources such as solar and wind.



Technology change: Promoting the use of new technologies that avoid or reduce CO₂ emissions.



Energy efficiency: Improving efficiency in energy consumption for communities and industry alike.

Many of these projects deliver additional environmental and social benefits such as conserving wildlife habitats and species, and providing employment for the local communities.

All of the projects funded go through a rigorous process of verification and validation to ensure and demonstrate the CO₂ emissions offsets achieved.

Take Care of Your Jugs

The following snippet appeared recently in BT's in house magazine - "UK Broadband - Dirt Cheap and Ultra Fast Speeds"

A simple oversight such as forgetting to check the office coffee machine has been switched off in the evening can leave you red faced the next day.

Recovery from the one pot dilemma is easily achieved - a quick visit to an online coffee machine guide then get the best online deal at price comparison site and within minutes your credit card transaction will be complete and a replacement dispatched.